My Memorial Day Grope, Courtesy Of TSA

I'll admit I get an uneasy feeling nowadays whenever I walk up to the security theater stage in an airport.  Call me a nitpicker, but watching the throngs of people being shuttled through the futuristic-looking, radiation spewing body-scanners while security "agents" dressed in blue pretending to be police officers sneer at everyone like we're all terrorists just gives me an icky feeling inside.  With that in mind, it's generally my goal to get through TSA security checkpoints  and move on to more comforting places like overpriced airport bars  as quickly and painlessly as possible.  Since the introduction of the body-scanners and "enhanced" pat downs in 2010, I have largely been able to avoid the false choice of choosing radiation and a naked photo or a blue-gloved grope down by simply keeping my eyes open and making sure to shift myself over to a security lane where metal detectors are in use instead of body scanners.   The very fact that it's often possible for passengers to choose which lane to go through would seem to undermine the TSA's entire logic (or complete lack thereof) behind the supposed necessity of body-scanners and pat downs, but I'll save that rant for another day.  I did have one pat down several months ago, and while I found the process of being treated like a prisoner a bit humiliating and degrading, I didn't feel sexually violated in any way.Last night, however, I had a bit of a different experience with TSA while returning home from a Memorial Day weekend trip.   While I did see some metal detectors in use as I approached the security area with my girlfriend, by the time we had our ID's checked they had been roped off and everyone was being directed towards the body scanners.  My girlfriend and I, having concerns over the radiation from the machines, both elected to "opt out" of the body scan. We informed the agent tending the machine, and he called in "one female opt out and one male opt out" on his cute little walkie talkie.  My girlfriend was taken back by a female agent fairly quickly, while I waited around for five minutes or so until finally the Supervisor came over and directed me into the area behind the machines and introduced me to the agent who would be screening me.  The agent directed me to the area where my girlfriend had gathered our belongings, and described the pat down procedure.  As I had done with my previous pat down a few months earlier, when the agent asked me if I had any sensitive areas I simply replied "my genitals".  He seemed to half smirk as if I was making some kind of joke, but I certainly wasn't.  Ask any man who's taken a football in the groin - those things are sensitive!At this point, I'm going to let the rest of my story be told by the email I sent to TSA, since the "Customer Comment Card" they gave me to fill out just wasn't long enough.   Once I got past the absurdity of being referred to as a "customer" ( I don't remember attempting to voluntary purchase a product or service from these folks, but again maybe I'm a nitpicker!) and the irony of the email address (TSA-ContactCenter@Dhs.gov), I sat down and wrote the following describing my experience.  I've XXXX'd out the actual places and names involved to protect the innocent.  Please note that I use some graphic detail here, so if you're uncomfortable reading words describing male reproductive organs, you've been warned.

To Whom It May Concern:I am writing to express my frustration and outrage concerning my recent experience with a TSA screening at XXXX  Airport on Sunday, May 27, 2012 at approximately 5:45 PM. As is our right, my girlfriend and myself both opted out of the body scanners due to health concerns we have regarding these devices. We have done this before, and were aware that this would result in a pat down.  My girlfriend got her pat down first by a female agent, and then the Supervisor, XXXX XXXX called me over and directed me towards a male agent for my pat down. He explained the procedure to me, and began to conduct the pat down.At one point during the pat down the agent inserted his hands into the waist band of my pants to the point that he made physical contact with my penis.  I immediately reacted by jumping slightly backwards and saying "careful!".  During this pat down, the agent also firmly and uncomfortably pressed his hands individually against each one of my testicles.  I was extremely appalled and shocked by this behavior.  I have had one pat down previously earlier in the year, and I did not have an issue with the way that particular agent handled the procedure.  I found this pat down to be extremely intrusive and inappropriate.  After I left the screening area and calmed down, I decided to return to file a formal complaint.I explained what had occurred to the Supervisor, Mr. XXXX XXXX.  He gave me the comment form and instructed me on how to file a complaint. I have mailed in the complaint form, but wanted to send this email as well in order to further inquire into TSA policy.  I would also like to state that Mr. XXXX acted very professionally and was very courteous and polite in attempting to help me and understand my concerns.My question is whether or not the way that the agent conducted my pat down was in line with current TSA policy? Why should I not consider these actions a form of sexual assault? I would also like to know why some passengers like ourselves were forced to choose between a body scan and a pat down, while others had the metal detectors opened for them and were allowed to simply go through? I would like to know the logic behind this.I plan to travel again soon, and would like to receive clarification on TSA's policies regarding how and when a pat down should be properly conducted while I contemplate further action.Thank you for your time.

It's no secret around this website that we're not big fans of the TSA.   Aside from the philosophical opposition we have to the very notion of the government providing "security", the TSA seems intent on continually adding fuel to the fire with constant reports of abuses of passengers young and old alike.  And most recently they received headlines for the revelation that a former priest removed from his ministry for sexually abusing young girls holds a Supervisor position with the TSA in Philadelphia.  It's almost as if the TSA is just saying "Screw it, we're not even going to pretend anymore; we're just going to go ahead and openly hire some perverts!"Up until now my opposition towards the policies of TSA were based solely on the experiences of others.   After this recent experience, I feel even more passionate about ending the abuses of the TSA.  I've forwarded my experience to the ACLU, who actually have an entire form on their website specifically for the purpose of reporting travel abuses. I echo the call of Senator Rand Paul, once himself detained by the TSA, to end the TSA once and for all.  Only then can we begin to insert logic and decency into how airport security is conducted.Stay tuned here for an update on any response from the TSA or ACLU on this.Receive access to ALL of our EXCLUSIVE bonus audio content – including “Conspiracy Corner”, “Degenerate Gamblers” and the “League of Liberty Podcast” by joining the Lions of Liberty Pride and supporting us on Patreon!