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2019 Democratic Debate Drinking Game: WHO RUNS BARTERTOWN?!?

It's finally time! Yes, the moment we've all been waiting for is here, when Democrats of all shapes and sizes enter the THUNDER DOME. And yes, we fully expect to see a tiny Democrat riding a much larger, mentally impaired Democrat yelling "who runs Bartertown!?" In fact, asking "Who runs Bartertown" is probably the most Democratic thing possible to ask, since all of their proposals basically involve bartering taxpayer money for votes. So slap on your best Tina Turner chainmail dresses, pour yourself an entire glass of whiskey and let's sit back and watch some pandering.

We’ll be live blogging the first debate event tonight, and also tomorrow, following both up by recording some live reaction show fun for our Lion's Pride members. Now, without further ado, “Democratic Debate Drinking Game – Liberty Rules!” (These apply to both debates, there are too many goddamn candidates to do one for each at this point). I'll add to this list as I have time and make some more specific rules as the 1 Million Candidate March whittles itself down. Enjoy! - xoxo Brian

Special Rules:

  • Reparations for my Homies: Any time "reparations" are mentioned, you have to give the closest black person to you your drink and they must drink it for the number of seconds equal to how many black friends you (claim) to have
  • Reparations for my Homies 2: If you happen to BE black, drink for the number of seconds you feel you're owed anytime someone mentions the topic
  • The Price is Right: When any candidates are discussing competing budget, climate, free school, etc. proposals, drink the number of seconds equivalent to the difference in monetary amount (rounded off in large chunks). If Warren wants free college and it'll cost 1.2T vs. Beto's 1.4T you drink for 2 seconds.
  • It's Not Easy Being Green Social: Any time climate proposals come up, everyone must loudly proclaim, in a Kermit the Frog Voice, "it's not easy being green," then everyone drinks.

Drink Any Time You Hear: 

  • Universal Healthcare
  • Student Debt
  • Gun Control
  • Problematic
  • Corporate
  • Pay / Wage Gap
  • Intersectional
  • $15 Minimum Wage
  • Iran
  • Border
  • College as a human right
  • Bernie Sanders avoids a question about making shit tons of money on his book
  • Bernie Sanders mispronounces “human” as “euman”
  • Someone says Buttigieg's name wrong
  • A random audience member is mistaken for one of the candidates
  • The camera has to zoom out to a wide angle to fit in everyone on stage
  • Either Clinton's name is invoked
  • A new climate policy is introduced
  • Raising taxes on the rich is mentioned and/or someone says “the 1%”
  • FDR or the New Deal is referenced
  • Anyone talks about seperating children at the border

Chug Your Drink And Don’t Stop Until They Do:

  • Anytime a candidate goes over their allotted time, you must drink until they finish speaking
  • ANY candidate actually tries to explain how their plans would work economically, you must drink until they finish speaking

Finish Your Drink If: 

  • Anyone actually talks about blowback or foreign policy
  • Anyone, on stage or off, actually calls another candidate a socialist
  • Someone argues FOR the legalization of drugs
  • Anyone supports the 2nd amendment
  • A candidate calls for military action against Russia
  • A candidate lapses into a Cuban dialect to pander to the Miami Latinos
  • The Federal Reserve comes up
  • Rachel Maddow floats some new Trump tax return she found
  • Anyone brings up the new Trump rape accusations from E. Jean Carroll

Enjoy the debate, everyone! Odds are, even if you follow every one of these rules, you’ll still be less drunk than at least half the candidates on stage.

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